Taking Offense? Let It Go
Proverbs 19:11; 1 Corinthians 13:1-7
1 Corinthians 13:1-7 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (NRS)
Last week we talked about the damage caused when we are offensive to others, the destruction caused in our families, our communities, and our churches when we say critical and demeaning things. The book of James says believers have to tame our tongues; we have to watch our mouths for the sake of our relationships and the sake of our witness.
So, did any of you make a serious effort at taming your tongue this past week? How did “Snark week” go for you? Did any of you have a “snark jar”? Were you ever accused of snarkiness? Did you catch yourself in the act? If the topic did nothing more than make you aware of the damage inflicted when you criticize others, it was worth it. But beyond being just worth it, it is vitally important that the church become an increasingly snark free zone. Here we want to speak words of life.
But making this church a safe place, a good place to be, will take more than just watching what we say. We must also be willing to let things go. Both the speaker and the listener have a responsibility. Churches are torn apart by people who offend others. They are also torn apart by people who won’t let offenses go. A couple Sundays ago an irate Alabama Minister of Music used a Tazer gun on the senior pastor who had just fired him. The act set off a wild melee at a Baptist church that ended with a deacon stabbing the music minister's mother in the arm.
According to the article I read, (http://www.fox8live.com/news/local/story/mother-stabbed-church-brawl/1lQI-9DN90yEqiCXnk9v-g.cspx) “The unholy incident erupted after the Rev. Darryl Riley told minister of music Simon Moore that he was being let go and gave him a final paycheck. Moore disputed the amount of the check and whipped out a Taser gun, shot the pastor and bedlam ensued.
Several church members rushed the dueling leaders. And in the fracas, deacon Harvey Hunt pulled a knife and stabbed the angry music minister's mom, Agolia Moore, authorities said. Agolia’s other son is said to have pulled a 14 inch knife and waved it about threateningly…some say her wound was friendly fire. Whatever the source, Mom suffered a gash on her arm that required 19 stitches.
Rev. Riley told the paper that Moore tased him twice on his left arm and bashed him in the head with a money box, opening up two cuts that required 32 stitches. Moore flew into a rage when he eyed his final paycheck and demanded an extra $600, Riley added.
Simon Moore said he was preparing to quit and was carrying a Taser because he "didn't trust the situation." In other words he walked into church thinking, “If I’m crossed, at least I’ve got my trusty taser.” Ironically the name of the church is, “The New Welcome Baptist Church.”
I’m thinking maybe the “New Welcome” this coming week at the church might be a metal detector or a frisking from the ushers. You read something like this and you have to know that it probably could have been handled better!
Now I know what you’re thinking…that this is an extreme example of “when snarks attack,” and nobody round here would ever do such a thing. (pause) But just ponder that thought a moment. We live in an area of the country that once (once?) well at least “once” had family feuds. Have we really worked all of that out of our systems yet? It’s not very hard to bring to mind some local family histories that involved some bitter quarrels that have had long lingering effects in this community. There is such a thing as “generational anger” that has its roots in old bitterness. These problems easily spill over into the church…and no doubt some of these quarrels even started in the church and spilled over into the community.
Keeping grudges, holding on to hurts and offenses never leads to a good outcome. It never makes people behave better. It never heals a broken relationship. It never grows a church. When we cannot or will not let go of a hurt, the only thing that grows is resentment. In his book, “The Applause of Heaven” author Max Lucado writes, “Resentment is when you let your hurt become hate. Resentment is when you allow what is eating you to eat you up. Resentment is when you poke, stoke, feed, and fan the fire, stirring the flames and reliving the pain. Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it becomes a black, furry, growling grudge. When something bad happens to us, that’s always a choice we have to make…are we going to let it go, or let the cancer of a grudge, feud, anger, hatred grow in us.
Imagine for a moment the services that are going on this morning at New Welcome Baptist Church. I’m thinking there are people who have taken sides with the Pastor, and some who have sided with the music minister, even though they may not be family, related or involved…those two sides are potentially having a hard time getting along with each other right now as they’re sitting in the church this morning.
Some of them are on high alert…and I imagine there are more pocketknives, tasers and pepper spray containers in pockets and purses this week than there were two weeks ago when the fight broke out. Those attending this morning are sitting on a powder-keg of hurt feelings aren’t they? And those are just the people still willing to attend there. Think about how many people refuse to attend that church now because they just don’t feel comfortable worshipping with one side or the other. Just like offensive remarks can rip apart a congregation, holding grudges can do the same.
Jesus said that offenses are sure to come. But listen, just because an offense if offered…you don’t have to take it. (let me say that again) just because an offense if offered…you don’t have to take offense. The proverb we read says: Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense. We can choose to overlook an offense. There’s a song by a gospel group with a chorus that goes, “if you catch hell don’t hold it. If you’re going through hell, don’t stop.” There’s a lot of wisdom in that isn’t there? A lot of people catch hell…and they never let go. Just because you “could be” offended by something that happens is no reason why your “have to be” offended. You don’t have to hold it.
I think of the Old Testament character Joseph…the kid with the coat. There’s not much greater offense that could happen in a family than for the older brothers to sell you to be a slave in a foreign country. If Hollywood would have written that story, Joseph, seething with bitter hatred would have come back home as a rich man and destroyed his guilty brothers one by one. That’s not what happened. Do you remember what Joseph said after his brothers came to Egypt seeking food? He said, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” If you catch hell, don’t hold it.
I think of the Old Testament shepherd boy David. The prophet shows up to choose one of Jesse’s sons to be king, and they don’t even bother bringing David in from the fields when they line up the other sons. If he was offended by that, and frankly most of us would have been, we never hear of it. Even when you are purposefully overlooked, you don’t have to take offense.
The passage we read from First Corinthians is often read at weddings. And as we know marriage is a place of peace and harmony where people never offend or take offense. But Paul writing to the Corinthians does not preface the chapter by saying, hey, read this at weddings. No he’s talking to a church that includes singles, married, widowed, and divorced and he says it is futile to live a loveless life.
Doesn’t matter what languages you speak, earthly languages or heavenly languages, without love you’re nothing. Doesn’t matter what you know, if you don’t have love, no one’s going to listen.
Doesn’t matter how generous you are, even to donating body parts just so you can say you did it…without love you don’t gain anything.
I read where a dinner guest at a high profile dinner party in Washington DC mistook Four-star Army General Peter Chiarelli for one of the waiters. Chiarelli, the No. 2-ranking general in the U.S. Army hierarchy, was in full dress uniform. Apparently, the guest, who only saw his striped pants, assumed he was a waiter and asked him to get her a glass of wine. Rather than take offense, in good humor Chiarelli dutifully went off, found the wine, and poured her a glass. The guest was mortified once she got a good look at his uniform. She apologized profusely, but Chiarelli took it in stride and in fact, he invited her to his family's home for dinner. If only we could all rise above offense and respond with such a gracious spirit.
Even when you might be offended…you don’t have to be. It is a choice. Chiarelli was so secure in himself that he didn’t have to react to what might have been offensive. He was big enough to overlook it. Those with “good sense” are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense.
Now I’m not saying this is easy. It is not easy to learn to control our mouths. It’s not easy to let offenses go, either. Sometimes people are snarky. Sometimes they are truly offensive. And when their criticism touches a sore spot, when it pushes one of our buttons, it is especially hard not to get angry and defensive… But it is possible to let it go. It is possible for you, in the power of the Spirit and the love of God, to work at it and take the truth about love off the page of 1 Corinthians 13 and see it work in your life.
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