Offense Series: When the Going Gets Tough

Romans 12:9-14 ⁹ Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; ¹⁰ love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹ Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. ¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. ¹³ Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. ¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

When the Going Gets Tough: Disciples Bless

Romans 12: 9-14

On the past few Sundays, we’ve been talking about offense. The first week we talked about how important it is that we make every effort to not offend others…and how do we typically offend people? Critical and negative comments. You were encouraged to celebrate “snark week”—a week where never was heard a discouraging word from your mouth.

Then last week we talked about taking offense. Seems like sometimes we are just looking for someone to make a mistake. Scripture tells us clearly that we should not be easily offended, and that it is a wise persons’s glory is to overlook offenses. A sign of spiritual maturity is to be able to absorb, deflect and ignore the offensive speech, actions and attitudes of others. Offense can be offered, but we don’t have to take it.

So in terms of snarky speech, we decided not to go there. In terms of taking offense, we decided not to go there. But if you found it impossible to empty yourselves of all snarky speech and found it impossible to halt your impulse to be offended …then you are pretty normal. Even if you had succeeded, you would only have succeeded in stopping a negative behavior. No snarks where there once were snarks, no offense where once you took offense. The result? A successful negation. Now that’s worth a lot. We would all be better off if our lives were emptied, drained of certain behaviors. But there’s so much more. In Christ Jesus, our faith is not about being empty; it’s about being filled. It’s the difference between a minus sign and a plus sign.

When someone offends us, when we feel persecuted, the first thing a disciple of Jesus needs to do is to let it go. But that’s just the first step. That’s like elementary school in dealing with offense in our lives. But just like your parents, God expects you to graduate from elementary school and go further, reach higher, and he’s told us how to do that. “Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them.” That’s how Paul puts it in Romans. Jesus says, "But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” That’s way beyond elementary school, isn’t it? That’s like graduate school for disciples. That’s tough. But when the going gets tough, disciples bless.

See, dealing with offense is not just about letting go, it’s also about being proactive. Taking positive action toward the offender. We’ll talk more about that in a minute. But first you need to know about a great side benefit to blessing someone who persecutes you or offends you. It’s good for you to bless. Blessing has a cleansing effect on the hurt and resentment we might feel after being offended. Blessing sets us free.

The weirdest things happen to my wife. And I especially liked this one because it was officially not my fault. She was driving on the county road that leads from our place. As she got a couple miles down the road, she disturbed three buzzards that had evidently been enjoying a roadside buffet. Now, let me just pause here because I need to apologize for the disgusting imagery I’m about to share…but I know you want to hear it…as much as I want to tell you. The rest of this story is kind of gross, so if you’re offended … well, just let it go and bless me even as I persecute you. J

Anyway, she scared up these 3 buzzards by the road. Once airborne they flew in a single file in front of her car. They didn’t swerve to the right or the left, they just stayed right in front of her car. They seemed a little panicked being chased down the roadway, because when Alice sped up, they sped up. They were flapping hard trying to stay ahead of her. Like most buffet eaters, they had over-done it a bit and Alice began to fell sorry for them; as they were trying so hard to get out of her way.

So Alice decided to put them out of their misery and she sped up quickly passing under the first one and left him behind. And then as she was going under the second one, she noticed something dropping from the lead buzzard. Big globs of stuff were dropping from him and hitting the ground in front of her. It was too big to be what birds normally hit your car with, evidently the bird decided it was too full to fly, so he was letting go of the ballast.

Alice was anxious to avoid the stuff. But as she hit the gas to speed under the last bulimic buzzard, two big globs of whatever he’d been dining on at the buffet landed on the hood of the car. They landed with sickeningly sloppy plops. And what was worse, they had some sticking power, they hit and hung on. And soon this horrible wall of stink as blasting through the car vents. Alice started to gag and well, to make a long and even more disgusting story shorter, she finally got to a car wash. Never underestimate the power of a car wash. It is a wonderful invention. Because of it, the car hood was quickly free of the nasty stuff.

What a car wash did for Alice’s car, blessing can do for your spirit. See, sometimes we have human buzzards in our lives. And those buzzards disgorge their hate and nastiness onto us. And we can’t let it go—it hits and hangs on. When that happens, we need the cleansing of our hearts that only blessing them can bring. The washing that occurs when we give blessings, frees us from resentment.

But even better (than the benefit we can get) are the benefits we can give. Mary Taylor Previte says, “If our faith does not touch people with love it's selfish, a blessing only to us.” Our motivation to bless others can’t be our own self-interest. There’s something backwards about that. The cleansing, freeing benefit that comes to us when we bless our enemies is just a side benefit, real and tangible, but secondary. Our motivation to bless others is to pass on the blessings we have undeservedly received.

Now that word, undeservedly, is important. I know you don’t feel like blessing those who have offended you or persecuted you. I know they don’t deserve your blessing. But I want you to ask yourself this: what blessing have you received that you have deserved? Can you name one? Who deserves what they’ve been given by the Lord? There’s a song I like that goes like this, “Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt. Who am I? That the bright and morning star, would choose to light the way, for my ever wandering heart.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling; Lord, you catch me when I'm falling, And you've told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours.”

God still claims us as his even though we don’t act like we belong to him. He still blesses us even though we are undeserving. He keeps speaking blessing and peace and love to our hearts. Pslam 103 tells us, “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the Pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.” That’s in spite of who you are and what you’ve done and because of who God is and what God’s done.

God's intention and desire to bless humanity is the central focus of all his covenant relationships. He keeps seeking our good—in spite of…. As Jesus’ disciples, we are to pass that kind of love on—give people a taste of God’s treatment of us in our treatment of them. Be proactive in our goodness to them. When the going gets tough, disciples bless.

There isn’t a more positive action we can take toward another person than to bless them because blessing is speaking and seeking another’s good. When God blesses his people, he speaks a good future for them. He extends charity and generosity toward them. He envisions and seeks their good. When we bless others, we do something similar. Our words to them and about them are positive. If we take action toward them, it is for their benefit.

Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them. The Message puts this verse: “Bless your enemies, no cursing under your breath.” We can do that, can’t we? Force ourselves to say nice things about people who have offended us but in our minds, we’re still resentful, still cursing them for the way they treated us. But that’s not the way of the disciple. When the going gets tough, disciples bless.

On April 18, 1942, Army Corporal Jacob DeShazer boarded a bomber plane, Their mission was to bomb Tokyo and its surrounding cities. The bombing was a success, but the plane was lost over enemy territory. DeShazer was taken prisoner by Japanese soldiers. Though his life was spared, he was tortured ruthlessly before being placed into solitary confinement at a filthy prison camp.

DeShazer remained in captivity for almost two years, struggling with starvation and illness. After one of his fellow prisoners died of dysentery, Japanese authorities increased the rations of food and allowed the prisoners to have reading material, including the Bible. Because there was only one Bible, DeShazer had to wait six months to get his turn with it. Finally, when his turn came, DeShazer read the Scriptures over and over again. On the final day he was allowed to have the Bible, he read Romans 10:9 once more, confessed his belief in Christ, and begged the Lord for forgiveness. DeShazer had been converted. Immediately he realized this demanded changes in his life—both while in a prison camp and beyond (should he ever be released).

One day after the exercise period, DeShazer's guard hurried him toward his cell, shoved him inside, slamming the door on DeShazer's foot. Instead of opening the door, the guard kicked the prisoner's foot with his hobnailed boots. DeShazer desperately pushed the door until he could free his foot. His mind blazed with rage.

However, Jesus' words came to him: "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them, which despitefully use you."

Nursing his foot, DeShazer wished for a while that his mind would go blank; instead, all the Scripture God had helped him memorize flooded into his mind. Calming down, he decided, “God commanded me to love... I'll try.”

The next morning was the test. DeShazer greeted the guard respectfully in Japanese. The guard gave him a puzzled look and said nothing.

Every morning, the DeShazer offered friendly greetings to his captor and received no response. Then one morning the guard walked straight to DeShazer's cell, and spoke to him through the door. He was smiling. DeShazer asked about his family. From that time on, the guard treated him with respect and kindness, and once even brought him a boiled sweet potato. And other times, the guard slipped DeShazer figs or candy.

On August 6, 1945, the day the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, DeShazer woke up about 7 A.M. and was impressed to pray for peace. At 2 P.M., the Holy Spirit told him, "You don't need to pray any more. It’s over." DeShazer thought this was a better way to receive world news than waiting for a radio report. Immediately, his thoughts turned to his captors. Wondering what would happen to the Japanese people, God gave him the answer: he was to eventually return to Japan and teach them about his Savior.

In 1948, Jacob DeShazer returned to Japan with his wife, Florence, as a missionary. By that time, Army chaplains had distributed more than a million tracts containing DeShazer's testimony titled, "I Was a Prisoner of the Japanese." Thousands of Japanese people wanted to see the man who could forgive his enemies. In his first few months in Japan, the former [bomber] had spoken in two hundred places. Soon he, with his wife Florence, helped Japanese Christians to establish churches.

Although the church planting was going well, early in 1950, DeShazer longed for a revival for Japan. He fasted 40 days, praying for the salvation of the Japanese…and he saw great results.

In 1959 a dream came true for DeShazer when he moved to Nagoya to establish a Christian church in the city he had bombed. The man who first came to [bomb] Japan…returned to spread blessing in that country for the next thirty years.

Jacob DeShazer wasn’t just emptied of resentment. He was filled with the power and love of God and so became a living fulfillment of the passage we read. Turn to it with me. Was his love genuine? Did he love the Japanese and treat them with honor? Was he zealous and did he serve the Lord? Did he persevere in prayer, contribute to their needs, extend hospitality to them? Did he bless them? He did, in the greatest way possible, because he brought them not only the good news of Jesus Christ…he lived the good news of Jesus Christ.

God has blessed you and me--He wants to help you pass on that blessing. When the going gets tough, disciples bless. Say it with me: When the going gets tough, disciples bless. Once more: When the going gets tough, disciples bless. Even buzzards.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus there are tough spots in our lives…you know even now what tough spots we may face during this upcoming week. Your example to us is to bless. Your desire for us is that we will bless others. So we pray for wisdom and courage to bless others as we have received blessing from you in Jesus name. Amen.

Benediction:

Good better best, never let it rest, till your good becomes better, your better becomes best, and your best becomes blessed.

LET IT GO!

Taking Offense? Let It Go

Proverbs 19:11; 1 Corinthians 13:1-7

Proverbs 19:11 ¹¹ Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense. (NRS)

1 Corinthians 13:1-7 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. ⁴ Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. ⁷ It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (NRS)

Last week we talked about the damage caused when we are offensive to others, the destruction caused in our families, our communities, and our churches when we say critical and demeaning things. The book of James says believers have to tame our tongues; we have to watch our mouths for the sake of our relationships and the sake of our witness.

So, did any of you make a serious effort at taming your tongue this past week? How did “Snark week” go for you? Did any of you have a “snark jar”? Were you ever accused of snarkiness? Did you catch yourself in the act? If the topic did nothing more than make you aware of the damage inflicted when you criticize others, it was worth it. But beyond being just worth it, it is vitally important that the church become an increasingly snark free zone. Here we want to speak words of life.

But making this church a safe place, a good place to be, will take more than just watching what we say. We must also be willing to let things go. Both the speaker and the listener have a responsibility. Churches are torn apart by people who offend others. They are also torn apart by people who won’t let offenses go. A couple Sundays ago an irate Alabama Minister of Music used a Tazer gun on the senior pastor who had just fired him. The act set off a wild melee at a Baptist church that ended with a deacon stabbing the music minister's mother in the arm.

According to the article I read, (http://www.fox8live.com/news/local/story/mother-stabbed-church-brawl/1lQI-9DN90yEqiCXnk9v-g.cspx) “The unholy incident erupted after the Rev. Darryl Riley told minister of music Simon Moore that he was being let go and gave him a final paycheck. Moore disputed the amount of the check and whipped out a Taser gun, shot the pastor and bedlam ensued.

Several church members rushed the dueling leaders. And in the fracas, deacon Harvey Hunt pulled a knife and stabbed the angry music minister's mom, Agolia Moore, authorities said. Agolia’s other son is said to have pulled a 14 inch knife and waved it about threateningly…some say her wound was friendly fire. Whatever the source, Mom suffered a gash on her arm that required 19 stitches.

Rev. Riley told the paper that Moore tased him twice on his left arm and bashed him in the head with a money box, opening up two cuts that required 32 stitches. Moore flew into a rage when he eyed his final paycheck and demanded an extra $600, Riley added.

Simon Moore said he was preparing to quit and was carrying a Taser because he "didn't trust the situation." In other words he walked into church thinking, “If I’m crossed, at least I’ve got my trusty taser.” Ironically the name of the church is, “The New Welcome Baptist Church.”

I’m thinking maybe the “New Welcome” this coming week at the church might be a metal detector or a frisking from the ushers. You read something like this and you have to know that it probably could have been handled better!

Now I know what you’re thinking…that this is an extreme example of “when snarks attack,” and nobody round here would ever do such a thing. (pause) But just ponder that thought a moment. We live in an area of the country that once (once?) well at least “once” had family feuds. Have we really worked all of that out of our systems yet? It’s not very hard to bring to mind some local family histories that involved some bitter quarrels that have had long lingering effects in this community. There is such a thing as “generational anger” that has its roots in old bitterness. These problems easily spill over into the church…and no doubt some of these quarrels even started in the church and spilled over into the community.

Keeping grudges, holding on to hurts and offenses never leads to a good outcome. It never makes people behave better. It never heals a broken relationship. It never grows a church. When we cannot or will not let go of a hurt, the only thing that grows is resentment. In his book, “The Applause of Heaven” author Max Lucado writes, “Resentment is when you let your hurt become hate. Resentment is when you allow what is eating you to eat you up. Resentment is when you poke, stoke, feed, and fan the fire, stirring the flames and reliving the pain. Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it becomes a black, furry, growling grudge. When something bad happens to us, that’s always a choice we have to make…are we going to let it go, or let the cancer of a grudge, feud, anger, hatred grow in us.

Imagine for a moment the services that are going on this morning at New Welcome Baptist Church. I’m thinking there are people who have taken sides with the Pastor, and some who have sided with the music minister, even though they may not be family, related or involved…those two sides are potentially having a hard time getting along with each other right now as they’re sitting in the church this morning.

Some of them are on high alert…and I imagine there are more pocketknives, tasers and pepper spray containers in pockets and purses this week than there were two weeks ago when the fight broke out. Those attending this morning are sitting on a powder-keg of hurt feelings aren’t they? And those are just the people still willing to attend there. Think about how many people refuse to attend that church now because they just don’t feel comfortable worshipping with one side or the other. Just like offensive remarks can rip apart a congregation, holding grudges can do the same.

Jesus said that offenses are sure to come. But listen, just because an offense if offered…you don’t have to take it. (let me say that again) just because an offense if offered…you don’t have to take offense. The proverb we read says: Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense. We can choose to overlook an offense. There’s a song by a gospel group with a chorus that goes, “if you catch hell don’t hold it. If you’re going through hell, don’t stop.” There’s a lot of wisdom in that isn’t there? A lot of people catch hell…and they never let go. Just because you “could be” offended by something that happens is no reason why your “have to be” offended. You don’t have to hold it.

I think of the Old Testament character Joseph…the kid with the coat. There’s not much greater offense that could happen in a family than for the older brothers to sell you to be a slave in a foreign country. If Hollywood would have written that story, Joseph, seething with bitter hatred would have come back home as a rich man and destroyed his guilty brothers one by one. That’s not what happened. Do you remember what Joseph said after his brothers came to Egypt seeking food? He said, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” If you catch hell, don’t hold it.

I think of the Old Testament shepherd boy David. The prophet shows up to choose one of Jesse’s sons to be king, and they don’t even bother bringing David in from the fields when they line up the other sons. If he was offended by that, and frankly most of us would have been, we never hear of it. Even when you are purposefully overlooked, you don’t have to take offense.

The passage we read from First Corinthians is often read at weddings. And as we know marriage is a place of peace and harmony where people never offend or take offense. But Paul writing to the Corinthians does not preface the chapter by saying, hey, read this at weddings. No he’s talking to a church that includes singles, married, widowed, and divorced and he says it is futile to live a loveless life.

Doesn’t matter what languages you speak, earthly languages or heavenly languages, without love you’re nothing. Doesn’t matter what you know, if you don’t have love, no one’s going to listen.

Doesn’t matter how generous you are, even to donating body parts just so you can say you did it…without love you don’t gain anything.

Doesn’t matter what you do, what your accomplishments, what your sacrifice, if you’re doing it for yourself it’s nothing.

There’s nothing in there that is specifically about marriage…it’s about life.

Here’s what life worth living looks like, according to Paul. Here’s where he tells us what love looks like, what it does, how it feels, what it offers to the situations we find ourselves in.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. In other words, love remembers that people don’t always mean what they say, and even if they do, they don’t always have their wits about them. Let’s face it, sometimes people don’t do themselves any favors by the way they talk to others or to us.

Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; So Love doesn’t have a chip on its shoulder. If you love, you aren’t looking to be offended, and when you are offended, you may not even let on.

Love isn’t looking for someone to mess up. They will mess up…but if we’ve found love, we’re not looking for that so we can pounce on them.

Love isn’t prickly when people don’t say things perfectly. Love hopes for the best, puts up with a lot, and chooses to believe the best.

People who love, carry the water for every community. They are refreshing to be around. You don’t have to walk on eggshells, worried that they’ll get offended. You are more likely to see them laugh than scowl. More likely to hear encouragement from them than complaints. That’s what love (that isn’t irritable or resentful) looks like.

Have you heard about people who are thin-skinned? Alice went in for some medical tests some years ago and the nurse working with her said that she was thin-skinned, literally. Alice had the thinnest skin she’d ever seen. She may have the real deal, but I know sometimes I’ve been thin-skinned emotionally. Too quick to take offense. So protective of myself that it was very difficult to take even the helpful criticism.

We said last week that those who put others down have a problem with pride. But those who are thin-skinned and resentful have a problem with pride, too. They can’t be questioned. They can’t be criticized. They think, “I don’t have to take that from them.” They always think they deserve better treatment than they’re getting. But even if we do deserve better…we don’t have to prove it.

I read where a dinner guest at a high profile dinner party in Washington DC mistook Four-star Army General Peter Chiarelli for one of the waiters. Chiarelli, the No. 2-ranking general in the U.S. Army hierarchy, was in full dress uniform. Apparently, the guest, who only saw his striped pants, assumed he was a waiter and asked him to get her a glass of wine. Rather than take offense, in good humor Chiarelli dutifully went off, found the wine, and poured her a glass. The guest was mortified once she got a good look at his uniform. She apologized profusely, but Chiarelli took it in stride and in fact, he invited her to his family's home for dinner. If only we could all rise above offense and respond with such a gracious spirit.

Even when you might be offended…you don’t have to be. It is a choice. Chiarelli was so secure in himself that he didn’t have to react to what might have been offensive. He was big enough to overlook it. Those with “good sense” are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense.

Now I’m not saying this is easy. It is not easy to learn to control our mouths. It’s not easy to let offenses go, either. Sometimes people are snarky. Sometimes they are truly offensive. And when their criticism touches a sore spot, when it pushes one of our buttons, it is especially hard not to get angry and defensive… But it is possible to let it go. It is possible for you, in the power of the Spirit and the love of God, to work at it and take the truth about love off the page of 1 Corinthians 13 and see it work in your life.

Alfred Lord Tennyson said of Archbishop Cranmer: "To do him a hurt was to beget a kindness from him. His heart was made of such fine soil that if you planted in it the seeds of hate they blossomed love." I want that to be true of us. And we're better at it than we think we are, because the Spirit of love lives in those who put their trust in Jesus Christ. What if God held a grudge? Where would we be? We’d be lost. We’d be without hope. If God doesn’t hold grudges against you, against me, what right do we have to hold grudges? What right do we have to withhold love?

Love is not irritable or resentful. Love is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Will we be individuals who love by this definition? Will we be a church that loves by this definition? My dad likes to say that if we consider ourselves loving people then we ought to be able to put our names in to replace the word “love” in these verses. Can you do that? We won’t take all the verses in 1 Corinthians 13, let’s just take verse 5: Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. When I point at the congregation, I want each one of you to say your own name out loud.

_________ does not insist on his/her own way.

__________ is not irritable or resentful.

By the grace of God that will become more and more true of you and me and of this congregation. We will choose not to be irritable or resentful. We will not hold grudges. We will not nurse resentments. We will never bring tasers to church—or knives either! We will let it go and live lives of love.

Prayer:

Lord break us of the all too easy habit of nursing and rehearsing the misdeeds of those who have offended us. Keep us from being easily upset, and take the chip from our shoulders that makes us quick to take offense and slow to forgive. Please grant us such a calm sense of your presence that we will not be easily disturbed, let our glory be to overlook offense. In Jesus name, Amen

Benediction: Let it go. You’ll feel tempted to be snarky…let it go.

You’ll have opportunities to take offense…let those go too.

In each of those same moments, you’ll have a chance to be a blessing… go for it!

Over and over, day by day, moment by moment, go for the blessing. And may the blessing of Christ be yours as you bless others

SNARK WEEK!

Offense Series:

Watch Your Mouth

August 14, 2011

James 3:6-12 ⁶ And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. ⁷ For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, ⁸ but no one can tame the tongue-- a restless evil, full of deadly poison. ⁹ With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. ¹⁰ From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so. ¹¹ Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water? ¹² Can a fig tree, my brothers and sisters, yield olives, or a grapevine figs? No more can salt water yield fresh.

Offense Series: Watch Your Mouth

James 3:6-12

We’ve just completed the 24^th annual “shark week” on the Discovery Channel, the yearly tradition began in 1987 when the network aired its whole line-up of shark themed shows. Shark week (for some) is the best television of the year…sort of tough on the beach resort crowd, but interesting stuff. It’s meant to be entertainment, I guess, and it’s meant to be helpful in teaching us a little more about sharks and how to avoid being sliced, diced, and devoured by one.

Shark attacks are deadly. One hit from that gaping mouth and your body is torn. You know, the same is true with our mouths. One hit can tear a person apart—or can tear a body of people apart. Yet offensive remarks and cutting words are common. Sharks aren’t the only brutes out there…

I’m not sure whether it is reality TV that’s brought this upon us, or maybe it’s reality TV that has given a public forum to the sickness, but there seem to be an awful lot of folks who make catty remarks, snarky comebacks, and just plain offensive references to others, and our culture has decided that it’s entertaining. Making fun of people; being offensive towards others. Evidently, it’s not just a modern problem. In approximately 49 A.D., James felt he needed to write to Jewish Christians about the way they were talking to each other.

It would seem that people then as well as now need an effective mute button between their mind and their mouth. Many seem to believe that just because they are saying “what they think” that the rest of us should have to hear it. Especially when what they think is nothing more than them being callous, uncaring, and ugly toward others. A calm sweet word can be just as effective…perhaps more effective.

Alice and I stood outside on the sidewalk of our first little congregation in North-central Nebraska. In kindness I shouldn’t tell you the man’s name, but Wayne Galyen a local car dealer and lawyer stood outside with us. Wayne was pretty callous toward the feelings of others. So on this Sunday after church Wayne was telling us how he had done this or that, upset some people, but he didn’t care, he had accomplished some things around town. (It was one of his favorite subjects.) He said, “I say what I think, and I don’t lose any sleep at night, I don’t worry who gets upset, and look at me, I don’t have any ulcers.” His wife, who was standing close by, patted him on the arm and said sweetly, “No, you don’t have ulcers; you just give them, dear.” She was right. I’ve heard more ugly things said by people who believed they were “just being honest” than I care to recall. You probably have too. And maybe you’ve spoken those words yourself.

We need to repair and learn to use the mute button between our minds and our lips. If we cannot think better thoughts, we can at least use better sense. Not every thought is worth speaking. Silence is preferable to saying the wrong thing. James says the tongue is dangerous…it’s a fire. Some of you know that if you insult someone in a public email or on some internet forum, it’s called a “flame.” Call someone an idiot. Tell them their ideas are dumb. That’s a flame. The slang of the internet agrees with James. And it only takes one flame to start a fire. James gives us a perfect picture, because like fire “things said” can get quickly out of hand, can’t they? It only takes one thoughtless comment, one moment of carelessness in conversation, one gusty moment from a windbag and a conversation becomes destructive. The tongue can turn harmony into chaos, throw mud on a reputation, destroy personal friendships and church fellowship. Perhaps this is why one of the earliest practices of Monasteries was silence. One way to break free of ugliness in speech is to just stop.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones…but words …keep on hurting long after the bones heal.” Whoever wrote that other rhyme that begins “Sticks and Stones” didn’t have a clue. Words hurt. And because they can hurt or heal, our words are important. James, in this passage, makes it impossible for us to underestimate the significance of words. There are no “mere” words. However small they may seem, they have great impact. As parents, as teachers, as friends, as neighbors, as church members, and Christian witnesses, as husbands, wives. I cannot think of a single human interaction in which care with words is not important. It’s words that either pour gas on the emotional fire, or bring calm to the waters.

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, has lectured throughout this country on the powerful, and often negative, impact of words. He often asks audiences if they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, another person. Invariably, a small number of listeners raise their hands, signifying "yes." Others laugh, and quite a large number call out, "no!"

Rabbi Joseph responds: "Those who can't answer 'yes' must recognize that you have a serious problem. If you cannot go 24 hours without drinking liquor, you are addicted to alcohol. If you cannot go 24 hours without smoking, you are addicted to nicotine. Similarly, if you cannot go 24 hours without saying unkind words about others, then you have lost control over your tongue."

It’s possible that you regularly offend people without knowing it. Either by the words you use, or the attitude with which you use them. Sometimes people do not fight back, sometimes they do not confront us or tell us when they have been offended. Do you know what they do? Even though they may not tell you, they do tell someone…another friend of theirs hears about you. Their spouse hears about you. Their co-workers hear about you. And their words about you affect a host of people’s attitudes toward you. You can’t really afford to simply go through life thinking it doesn’t matter if you offend people. It does matter. It makes a difference to you…and if you claim to be a Christian, it matters to the kingdom of God.

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk there the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the “I Work for a Jewish Carpenter” license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk… Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."

James says, “With our tongues we bless God our Father, with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends this can’t go on.” Can you believe that? Can you believe that there were Christians in those first-century congregations who were full of praise for God, singing hymns and making confession and entering into the prayers, and then out on the street they were gossiping, cursing, and belittling their fellow Christians with their words? We can believe it because we’ve all done it. It’s easy to bless the God who we know loves us, to praise the Christ who we believe saves us, and then to snarl at the woman who irritates us or cuss at the man who stops too quickly in front of us. But James says this cannot go on. If we’re being offensive, our church, our fellowship, the name of Jesus in the community is at stake.

James wrote this letter to Christians—people like us who were laying hold of new life in Jesus. So James points out their hypocritical practices and lifts up right Christian behavior. He talks about being doers of the word and not hearers only; he talks about being impartial in the way we treat others; he tells us that faith without works is dead faith; then he talks about the difficulty and the necessity of taming the tongue. He says we can’t curse and bless out of the same mouth. How many of your mothers felt the same way? Anyone else get your mouth washed out with soap?

Our mouths have to get cleaned up, James says. Well, no he doesn’t actually say that. He just asks some questions to make his point. He says, “A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish water the next, does it? Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

What’s he saying? He’s pointing out the inconsistencies of those who bless God and curse people. He’s saying if you’re claiming to be a Christian, watch your mouth. Clean it up. Quit offending people. Quit setting fires. Instead of being destructive, be constructive. Instead of flaming others, refresh them with your words.

Who knows how this would change your relationships? A lady named Lauren Daisley decided to not say anything snarky for a month. In case you haven’t heard that term before, snark is a combination of the words snide and remark, so a snide remark is a snark. (You didn’t know you would get a slang lesson hear today, did you? And it’s all for free!) Lauren Daisley said: “It started when my husband, baby and I drove away from a visit with my aunt, who has Stage 4 breast cancer. I thought back on the 30-some years I've known her. I have never once in all that time heard her say anything unkind. Not even in the subtext of her words. That's one [heck]—or, in this case, heaven—of a legacy…. I began to wonder, how would holding my tongue—or at least changing what came off it—alter my relationships?”

That's when she began her "month-long campaign" to practice kindness in her speech. Daisley discovered that it's not easy to live without snark. Instead, she wrote, "It's so much cooler to be more sarcastic …. It says, I am so above this scene—above other people, even."

After her month-long experiment she concluded, "Kindness [of speech] doesn't have to imply repression. It doesn't rein in humor or impede the fight for justice. But it does require discipline and substantive engagement with others."

Lauren put her finger on the problem behind unkind comments. It’s pride. When we are being critical, when we are making snide comments, when we are being snarky, when we are flaming others, it’s because we think we’re better than they are—we know better; we do better; we think better. We’re above them. That pride comes out in our speech and it can’t help but damage our relationships. People know they’re not safe with us—they might get zinged at any moment. Either to their face or behind their back.

But the opposite is true, too. When we are kind in our speech. When we’re thoughtful and humble, it helps people feel safe with us. In his book Sabbath Time, Tilden Edwards tells about a family with teenage children who decided, as part of their Sabbath commitments, that they would not criticize each other on Sundays. As the months went on and they kept this commitment, they realized more and more of their children's friends were coming over on Sundays just to hang around. No one in the family had talked about this commitment, but somehow other teenagers knew this home was a good place to be.

Could we make this congregation like that? A safe place for everyone? A good place to be? A place where no one had to worry about being put down or gossiped about? Could we watch our mouths well enough to be consistently kind? Or have too many of us lost control of our tongues? Unedited opinions, critical remarks, are devastating to a church.

In his book, “Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire”, Pastor Jim Cymbala tells about receiving new members into his church at the Brooklyn Tabernacle. He writes, “About 20 years ago, I said something impromptu to the new members standing in a row across the front of the church. As we received them, the Holy Spirit prompted me to add, "And now, I charge you that if you ever hear another member speak an unkind word of criticism or slander against anyone—myself, an usher, a choir member, or anyone else—that you stop that person in mid-sentence and say, 'Excuse me—who hurt you? Who ignored you? Who slighted you? Was it Pastor Cymbala? Let's go to his office right now. He'll apologize to you, and then we'll pray together so God can restore peace to this body. But we won't let you talk critically about people who aren't present to defend themselves.'

"I'm serious about this. I want you to help resolve this kind of thing immediately. And know this: If you are ever the one doing the loose talking, we'll confront you."

“To this day,” he continues, “every time we receive new members, I say much the same thing. That's because I know what most easily destroys churches. It's not crack cocaine, government oppression, or even lack of funds. Rather it's gossip and slander that grieves the Holy Spirit.”

Offensive remarks kill love and fellowship in the home and community and the church. They divide, devour, and destroy, kinda like sharks. Just as shark week teaches people enough about sharks to avoid them, I’d like to challenge you to observe “snark week” to help you deal with relationship-killing snarkiness in your own life. Here’s the snark week challenge: Starting today, right now, finish today without saying anything snide or cutting about anyone. And then repeat that on Monday through Friday. If you have several of you from a household…help each other. Maybe put out snark jar on the table and require offenders to toss in a dollar in the jar for each snark. (Kids could probably get a discount). Then go do something together with the money next weekend. This is “snark week,” if you play along, you’ll learn a lot about yourself. And you’ll be very pleasant to be around… what could be wrong with that?